I am in a place where I want to have kids. I call it baby fever. It's funny how it happens. It's almost over night. One day you're out and see babies and think "oh how cute" and then the next you see babies and you think "Oh My God I want one."
And there's no turning it off either. Once the baby fever comes there ain't no cure for it except a baby. Even after eight hours of being with your niece who won't stop screaming because she's teething. Baby fever cannot be reasoned with and is not at all interested in logic.
When I was younger I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I would think about having a family. It never developed past the thought of "someday". I didn't have that "have to" in me like I do now. I can practically feel my ovaries screaming at me "These are good eggs! Come on already! Let's get a baby up in here!"
I am not sure what to do about it. I'm ready (really ready). He's ready. So? I guess have a baby.
Right?
Then there is another part of me that wants something else. Something that is hard enough to obtain on its own and adding a baby to the equation just makes it that much harder. I want a career in television and film. Working toward that is like having a child. That goal is your child. It needs to be paid attention to daily. It needs you to be available for anything at anytime. It has no regard for social life. It cannot be neglected.
And I can hear my heart screaming at me "You can do this. You have always wanted it. What are you waiting for? It's go time!"
So wait on the baby until I am ahead a little bit more. But when will that be? When I am forty? I don't want to wait that long. Can't I do both? Can't I have a baby and pursue my career?
I think so. Can I?
But is that fair to my baby for me to be running off all the time because I didn't have my shit together be for he/she came? But then I think, don't I owe it to my child to do what I have always wanted? Shouldn't I show my child that he/she can do anything no matter what the obstacle? Shouldn't I be an example of that?
Alas the confliction.
I don't know if it is my frustration that I keep getting set back after set back because of industry strikes, if it is this idea I have that I cannot have both a baby and an undeveloped career, if it is my looming 30Th birthday and that I am no where near where I thought I would be at this age or if it is all of the above. But whatever it is I am completely torn. I want a baby so badly. I want a career so badly.
I don't know what to do to have both.
It's not that I am impatient. It's not as though I feel like a clock is ticking. But I certainly feel as though a scale is tipping. Going from one side than to the other. Teetering back and forth.
Baby. Career. Career. Baby.
And I am struggling on how to get it to balance.
7 comments:
Trouble is, when you have a baby you may then realise that you don't want them in child care at all etc and it may be very hard for you. You are inclined to love them in a way you are quite unprepared for and want to stay home with them.
If you have a good and supportive partner you can have a career and a baby. You can also have a good career when you are older (hard to believe but true). It takes a lot of work. I used to take my son to work with me when I first went back doing part time work - he was a baby. You could work from home you know - it works really well here in Australia and is supported by loads of companies.
There is no one answer, but I will say this, whatever you do it will eventually work out. Having a baby is not the end of a career but it is the beginning of something that requires just as much work (without getting paid).
THis will sound dumb, which is pretty much how I preface most things I say, but have a baby on the conflict will be over. You will want baby banana to be your career. At least that was what happened to me. I stayed at home with the twins for a little over their first year, which may be the reason I never forgave my employer from hiring me.
What type of career and in tv/film do you want? And good luck at it!!
And yes, I won't be giving out advice anymore.
I know I will be in this same spot one day. Luckily, you are still young! 30 is so young! Even if you waited 5 years to have a baby, you'd be fine. But it may not take that long to get your career going.
I definitely think it is possible to have both. I think you just have to be clear on what it looks like - that life - and then work on making it a reality. Manifest it.
You will wrestle with balance your whole life - baby or no baby. You can do both you know. Nobody says it will be easy, and neither are. Chase those dreams!!
Linda--
Thanks for the advice. I think that it will work out too but I am worried that it won't work out just how I want it to. But I guess that's what makes life interesting.
Michael--
Ideally I would love to get into Development or Writing. I love acting too. Thanks for what you said :)
Mel--
Thank you!! I know I am being such a nerd about the age thing.
Wow-
I guess you're right. It's a whole life kind of thing. I'm ready to start chasing. :)
I can promise you that having a career and a child is one of the toughest things in the world. Although there is good childcare out there, it is damned hard work balancing everything and one can end up burning out.
I have two daughters, both teens/tweens, and they are good girls, on the whole.
I have balanced being a single mum with a full-time career, driving all over the country and coming home knackered and it has been chuffing hard.
There isn't a solution or a compromise but a commitment for tough stuff.
That said, having children is one of the most wonderful things in the world - my two have spend two weeks away with my ex and I have been more excited than a bag full of monkeys awaiting their return!
I wish you lots of luck...and energy!
Agnes--
Thanks, it not being easy is what I am afraid of. But I guess since eveyone says it's not easy I should just accept it and move on.
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