I am sure this letter is catching you by surprise since you and I don't talk that often. I just wanted to communicate with you about why I left you untouched in my salad bowl today.
It's not that I don't like you. I do. We go way back. I would not have been able to survive school without you in those little caprese sandwiches I ate everyday. So please don't take this letter the wrong way.
You see I like everything that can be done with you. You are so creative and you just go with everything. You're so flexible too. You can be sweet, salty, stewed, sliced, diced. You can be anything. Hell, you're a core food at weight watchers. And lets face it, pizza would be lost without you. Same goes for chips and salsa. And ketchup! You really are a wonder. I think you're great. I really really do.
But the thing is, you alone just don't do it for me. I know this sounds silly. Because who in the world doesn't like you? I mean, everybody likes you. Okay wait, not everybody. You and my mother had a strained relationship long before I was even around, but that is your guys issue.
Anyway as I was saying, there is something about you by yourself. We just, we just don't connect. I don't want to hurt your feelings or anything but you can be kind of slimy. And that's fine because that is who you are. But I cannot pretend anymore. I cannot put you in my salads or on my sandwiches and act as if I am enjoying your company.
So for the most part, what I am trying to say is, I don't think I will be hanging out with you one on one anytime soon. It just doesn't feel right. I wish I had a better reason for you. But as of right now I just don't.
It's nothing personal tomatoes. It's just me. Please don't take this like I am ending things with you forever. I will still talk to you at parties when you are in a tasty bloody mary outfit and we will still hang out at mexican restaurants when you're in your spicy salsa attire. And of course when you are in my pasta bowl speaking Italian. (I love it when you speak Italian.)
Anyway, that's all I wanted to say to you. Take care tomatoes. I will see you around.
6 comments:
You are too cute. This cracked me up.
I would like to write a note like this to celery, but it would be more like, "Die, Celery, die."
Please, please, please write my resignation letter whenever the appropriate day comes.
And I wholeheartedly echo Mel's celery feelings. It hurts just to type that nasty word.
Really? Sweet cherry tomatoes in salads don't do it for you? Or an In & Out Cheesburger with the perfectly bun-sliced garden variety? And what would you have in a BLT...just the BL? I feel sorry for the tomato, but I'm glad you were honest with him and let him down easy.
Mel--
Thanks! I am kinda there with you on the celery though I do like it in tuna salads.
Michael C--
You go it. Do you prefer a PDF or a Word Document?
Anita--
See, Every-Body loves tomatoes.
There is an exception to the rule when it comes to BLT's, if, and ONLY if they are sliced really thin. If they are not I usually will eat a few bites with the tomatoes and then take them out. So what is the point of the sandwich then? I love bacon. It’s like meat candy.
Oh IM WITH YOU, MAN!! Tomatoes and I are frenemies.
This is the best...
Ana--
Thank You! I am glad me and my mom are not the only ones. I think there should be some club for those of us that like all that can be done with the tomato but ant the tomato itself.
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