The New Year Post

So here it is 2009.


I go through phases of setting goals for myself come new year. Sometimes I do it. Other times I don't. I learned a long time ago not to set my expectations too high for a new year’s goal. It's great to set goals but at the same time it is not so great to look back at your goals on Dec 31 and see that not a single one was accomplished.

It is to not fault of my own, I try. But setting a goal like, "I want to own a house in Beachwood canyon by October" is a little far fetched when you're starting out the New Year jobless. Again.

This is the second year I am jobless in January. (That's kinda catchy, would make for a good book title)

I guess I have just come to the realization that I spend too much time doing things I don't like. I spend too much energy just trying to get by rather then spending time living.

Rather than be uber aggressive and harness all my energy into getting what I really want, I.E. a job in scripted television development, or get off my ass and have one of my many screenplays actually made into a short film that I can submit into local film festivals; I take crappy jobs that I don't like. I take these crappy jobs that are in unstable markets with asshole bosses.

It's not that I take these jobs because on a subconscious level I think I am only worth a crappy job with an asshole boss. I just take them because I get this idea in my head that it's all about money. I need to make money to get by, so I take the crappy job because it is easier.

Survival first, dreams later.

But looking back at the last five years, I see that it actually isn't easier. It's harder. It's so hard to do things I don't love. It's so hard to keep getting laid off and then just go right back into the same situation. It's harder to put hopes and dreams on a back burner than it is to have a job that's shit.

So my goal for this year is to do more things I love. And to not be so scared of the possibility of failure.

I will not take a crappy job anymore. This will be the year that I get a great job, doing something that I love. This will be the year that I make one of my short films. This will be the year that I actually attempt to do something.