We now return you to 2009 already in progress

I am not sure what happened. Everything appears to be normal. Nothing seems different. But, I must have at some point this week slipped and fell into a time warp. However, I think I would remember that. And I have no recollection of that. But I must have fallen into a time warp because; I saw a few things this past week that have no place in the year 2009. No place at all! So the only explanation is the time warp theory.

For starters, I had dinner with Matty on Thursday night. We were walking around town afterwards having a pinkberry and right there in the window of Urban Outfitters were a pair of Acid Washed Jeans, with, wait for it... darts. I quote Whitney Houston when she said " oh hell to the hell to the HELL to the no!" I rubbed my eyes and shook my head from side to side like they do in the movies. Clearly I hallucinated. I opened my eyes and much to my horror they were really there. Acid. Washed. Denim. With darts.

I will give you a moment to be sick if you need one. I think I might actually.

Do you feel better? So do I.

As I was saying, Acid washed denim is just a huge no no. Who thinks that jeans like that are appropriate? (Besides stupid teenagers born in the 90’s) They never look clean for one. They are ugly, wrong, unflattering and just messy. And the other, THEY’RE FREAKING ACID WASHED.

It’s one of those things from the past that should stay where it is, in the past. It’s a fashion mistake. It’s a big Whoopsie Daisies, our bad, shouldn’t have made those. Like hyper color tee shirts and members only jackets and bellbottoms. But ain't nobody bringing those back, at least not yet. But who knows. After what I saw this week anything is possible. Oh dear God, no bellbottoms. Please.

I admit that I wore an acid washed jacket with great confidence. I had an acid washed denim tote bag that was dyed turquoise. I also had a pair of Guess acid washed jeans that I wore with my pink day glow tank top and my hair in one big ponytail at the side of my head. What can I say? It was high fashion. But it was the eighties. I was also like nine or ten and reading teen beat magazine and drooling over this actor who I will not name. I have already embarrassed myself enough in my admitting to wearing day glow.

Then Saturday night I had dinner with my aunt and the guy at the table next to us had a mullet. Not a Billy Ray Cyrus one, more like a late seventies early eighties mullet. He was putting the moves on his lady friend. He had this air about him like “oooohh yeah, I got it. My hair is sexy. Chicks dig it like they dig my Thunderbird” Uncle Rico seriously? You’re not fooling anyone with that hair. Mullets are so tragic. It’s as if they are the little haircut that could. Nobody is willing to give up on them. But they just never work. Not even for George Clooney on Facts of life. And he’s gorgeous!

Then on Sunday I went to Starbucks for a latte and there were these teenage girls (13 or 14 tops) there wearing day glow hoodies and matchstick acid washed jeans and high-tops. I wanted to sit them down and be like “Oh honey, this is Los Angeles circa 2009 not Brooklyn circa 1983. You must get to a j crew or a banana or an H&M or Target this minute. A Ross even! Here’s an Instyle and a Glamour for ideas.”

Gosh this post is making me sound like a total snob. I’m not at all. I just don’t understand the choices people make with hair and clothes. There’s so much out there that’s nice and hip and looks good. Why pick what’s fugly?

It’s all relative I suppose. I am sure some of my fashion choices are not the coolest but at least I try to look nice. I have fun with my clothes. I take risks. And I think that a lot of my choices are good ones. But who knows, maybe in ten years I will look at pictures of myself wearing trouser cut jeans with ballet flats and say “dear lord what was I thinking?”

Still though, it won’t be nearly as bad as acid washed and mullets and day glow.

As I walked home with latte in hand I was beginning to think that I had indeed slipped into a time warp. When got home I checked the paper just to be sure. Yep, still 2009. Phewww.