I have a freakish talent that I was blessed with upon birth. I am not sure where or whom I get it from. It's not a cool x-men mutant talent like throwing fire or creating a snow storm by looking at the sky. It's more on the lame side. What is my hidden talent you ask? The ability to embarrass myself almost daily.
I was at the market yesterday. As I was standing in a really long line to pay for my stuff I started zoning out, which is usual for me when I am standing in line. My deep spacing out train of thought-thinking went something like this: I need to mail my grandmas mothers day card, these pants are too long I should hem them, they make my ankles itchy, who believes those silly papers "Oprah given 3 months to live" Does anyone think that shit is real? How many weight watcher points are these cookies? How bad would it be if I ate them for dinner? Through my deep thinking haze I heard this muffled voice Charlie brown like talking…
"Mmm camhesuzyrecar?"
Then I heard it again.
“Ma’am?”
The cashier was talking to me.
“What? I’m sorry? I was zoning” I said
She looked at me and asked again “Ma’am can he use your card?” and pointed to the gentlemen in front of me.
“No, he can’t I’m overdrawn in my checking. That’s why I have cash”
They both just looked at me blankly.
“But I’ll be getting my EDD check tomorrow so I will be fine.”
More blank stares.
“I’m not overdrawn much. Just a pinch. But I have cash to pay for this stuff so it’s okay.”
The cashier and the man exchanged glances. Then she said a little slowly,
“No, ma’am your club card -- for the discount? Not your bank card”
“Ohhhhh, can he use my club card? Got it, sure here you go!” I tried to laugh it off.
Great, I just divulged my sob story banking situation to total strangers cause I’m awesome like that. My ears got really hot. Did anyone behind me hear what I said?
I gave the cashier my club card. She just kind of looked at me like I was a complete idiot.
The man couldn't stop laughing at me. As he grabbed his bags of groceries he thanked me for letting him use my CLUB card and walked away. Still laughing.
It was my turn now. I didn’t even want to look at her. I paid for my stuff- in cash- and practically ran out to door.
6 comments:
Surely, you were practicing for your single mom with ten kids audition at the community theatre around the corner. You were just there getting some kind of sustanance, right?
Kidding aside. We must have been separated at birth - I have this unusual "talent" as well.
Keep on being a doof - we need all the company we can get. Maybe we'll take over the "joneses" of the world and everyone will be wanting to keep up with the doofs instead. I can dream right?
OMG, LOL! HILARIOUS. I love it. Yeah. No biggie. It's only gonna get worse. I spent a small chunk of my weekend tutoring someone, shall we say, "older", on the computer, only to find out that this person was already schooled on the very things I taught him/her, like 2 months ago. (facepalm)
Old-People-Brain sucks, but maybe it will protect us from the zombies.
You should have performed some violent body twitches and asked where those sirens were coming from.
Ha ha ha, lucky you were not in a doctor's office or you may have divulged something even more embarrassing.
Although, what could be more embarrassing than admitting to an overdrawn cheque account!
Awwwwe! That's cute! I think MOST people zone out when in line at the grocery store. Don't feel bad. And you gave the guy a laugh - probably brightened his day.
Now I want to know which market you were at in town. ;)
Laughing--
Thanks. I feel better. We should have a guild or something.
Tracy--
Thanks sugar. As long as I get me one of those celebrity name translators I think old people brain should be manageable.
Wowzers--
oooh that’s a good idea. Maybe swat at imaginary birds too?
Linda--
I think I would take an embarrassing doctor appointment over telling someone I am overdrawn any day.
Mel--
Yeah I guess you’re right. Being mortified is a small price to pay to make somebody laugh :) P.S. I was at the Ralph’s.
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