Greetings from Waikiki

I arrived back early last Saturday morning after spending nine wonderful days in Oahu.

Nine sun filled days of not wearing a watch or closed-toed shoes. Nine peaceful days of not having to wear work pants or answer phone calls. Nine deep sleeping days of not having to get up by 7:00 am to get ready for the workday. Nine stress free days of being able to do whatever I want whenever I felt like it. Nine days of happy hour starting at 2:00 pm at the Tiki Tapas bar that over looked the warm pacific ocean. Nine days of sipping some tropical fruity drink with rum and a pineapple slice as I sat on our Lanai and watched the sunset.

Nine perfect peaceful wonderful restful blissful days.

So to say that I am glad to be finished with my nine day vacation is a fabrication of the truth. I am anything but glad. But it's finished none the less and there is nothing I can do about it. And I hate it when I don't get my way. I feel like a two year old who was just told to go to bed. Or that kid from the money pit when tom hanks asks him for money and he screams "no no no!"

But, it's finished now. Case closed. Excuse me I have to go cry.

Oahu is wonderful. Hawaii is wonderful. I adore it there.

I think that I adapted too easily to the lifestyle that I depicted above. The whole not really needing to know or caring to know what the time was, was probably the best part of all. The care free feeling of having no responsibility was better then any cocktail, hug, massage or spicy tuna hand roll from mikado I have ever had. It's really quite refreshing.

There is also something to be said about just being in the moment. Just being one with the day and trusting that things will unfold in the manner that they are supposed to. Not getting consumed with plans or what is going to happen next. Just living in the now of what you are doing.

I have said before that I am Zen when it comes to the BIG things. But, I do admit that I let the little things, usually work things, bother me. I just kind of, let things get in the way. So much so that it becomes a part of all of my thoughts. Or becomes my only thought. And the job I have now is no exception. I had been forgetting who I was and what I wanted. I have forgotten what I wanted.


But then one day as Matty and I were in the perfect Pacific ocean, I remembered.


We had found a shallow spot where we could sit in the water. I was skimming my hands on top of the water and Matty was picking up pieces of coral from the sand below and resting them on his chest.


"I'm letting them heal me" he said

And it just made me smile. Because it was cute. And because it seemed a very Matty thing to do.
It might sound hippy-dippy but I remembered, in that moment, Just what I wanted.

This. This is what I want.

Being with Matty. Traveling the world together. Living our lives together. Not worrying about our stupid jobs. Just being together and seeing things, experiencing new things. Being happy. Just being ourselves and living for us and no one else.

And I was so happy. I still am so happy.

Because even though my vacation is over. I am home with a clear picture of what it's all about. I remember what it is that I want. Who it is that I am. And that even though I still don't have that dream job. Its out there for me. And someday, I will have it.

I also know that even if it takes a few years to get that dream job, all the little jobs I have, however stupid, however coo coo the boss is, however bonkers it may make me feel.It's not who I am. But the hard work at theses jobs, will provide me the funds to do all the things I want so badly.

Maybe it was all the clean air. Maybe it was the salt water. Or maybe it was all the fruity cocktails. But something there reminded me of who I am.

My 9-5 job? That's not me. That's not what I want.

All my insecurities about my job performance being good enough? That's not me or something I want to feel either.

All those little and big adventures that I will take with Matty? That's what I want.

And our life we make together? That's what make me who I am.