Bingo was born nine weeks ago tomorrow. Crazy to me that its been nine weeks. But even crazier that I am now a mom. I don't feel like a mom. I mean, I do in the sense that she's attached to my boobie 24/7 (sorry for the tmi to those that are grossed out by that kind of thing) and that she wants me to hold her and cuddle her all the time and that I feel this unexplainable ache to be near her when we are apart. And I do in the sense that I am over the moon in adoration for her.
But in terms of the actual person, I don't feel like a "mom".
With no offense to my own mother or any of her friends or any mothers out there, I have had this notion or idea in my mind that moms are frumpy. Moms drive minivans and wear jeans with pleats in the front. Moms say things like daggummit, shoot and golly gee. Moms have no sense of humor or if they do it doesn't extend past a knock-knock joke. Moms watch TV shows that are decades old or they don't watch TV at all. Moms have collections of holiday sweatshirts with cats being various Christmas characters. Moms mix up names of really popular things like YouTunes and iTube. Moms are frumpy.
I realize that the above isn't (always) true. Because I have not become any of those things. I still am me. I say Fuck all the time. I make really dumb jokes, I love to go shopping for make up and clothes, I wear skinny jeans and drive a compact car. I still have girls night and drink wine or cocktails, and when I wash my face before bed I still half expect to see the reflection in the mirror of a monster standing behind me. I am still all of the things that make me who I am, I just happen to be someones mommy now.
Yup. I am Mommy. Still sounds funny to say. But each day it's said I love it more and more.
When I was pregnant people used to say things like "having kids will change you" "having kids will ruin your life" "you can't do anything fun once you have kids" "your life will be over". Which is really mean if you think about it. I was already pregnant, what was I supposed to do? Thats like those people telling you about plane crashes five minutes before your flight to Paris. What a bunch of assholes...Ahh that's a post for another time.
But anyway I knew what they were saying was not true. THAT'S what having kids did to THEM. But it didn't mean it was going to do that to me. And so far it hasn't. Now granted it has only been nine weeks; but still. It did not change me. It didn't change the real actual dorky, swearing, fashion loving me, it just added to who I already am. And truth be told, it didn't end my life, it started my life.
Little Bingo completes the puzzle that is our family. She was the last piece we needed. And now we are a whole picture. Now I am whole.
