Friday, July 15, 2016
So basically this whole "house hunting" thing has me in nots, tears, elation, confusion, and in a constant state of wanting to cry or throw up. I absolutely positively H A T E it.
I should be grateful that we even can buy a house. But it's almost like we can't because every house we can afford gets scooped up by some greedy house flipping asshole for a hundred plus thousand dollars more than what we could ever pay. And unless we want to live in some half burnt out former crack den theres nothing left to buy and even then we still get out bid. And on the rare occasion we do get a tiny taste of possible escrow it all goes away before the ink is even dry on our offer. Be it by a higher bidder swooping in at the last minute, or the seller wanting even more money, or us (me and the family) not fitting "the mold" of who they hoped would buy the property. No exaggeration all of those things have happened to us on our house hunting journey, however illegal and infuriating some may be, they have happened.
Though if I may, since I am being openly honest, I am more angered by house flippers. I feel they are ruining the market and are totally part of the problem, not the solution. For starters, putting in a $10k dollar home depot clearance special kitchen does not add $80k dollars in value to a home. Sorry buddy but it just doesn't. It is not my intention to piss off or offend any house flippers out there, I am just stating my emotions about it.
It is so frustrating that we have officially quite looking. Well for this week anyway. I am still holding out hope that we will find one. Though that hope is dying. I know that sounds utterly dramatic but it's true. And that kills me a little. I have always been a positive thinker. It's challenging at times, especially now that I'm feeling so defeated. I'm usually very good at the whole "It's not meant to be" school of thought. However we have now made 12, yes TWELVE-- offers and have been out bid on every single one; I ask myself how many times can something be "not meant to be" before just throwing in the towel?
Stay positive they say, you'll find it they say, just keep looking and visualizing they say; I'm rolling my eyes at you I say...
So yeah, I'm finding it harder and harder to keep my positive self going. Which is super silly of me when looking at the big picture. I know I'm feeling sorry for myself, much like a child complaining of having nothing to do while sitting in their room that's filled with toys. I have a lot to be positive about but I'm focusing so much on how I DIDN'T get what I want that the positivity that is normally there is just looking blankly at me shrugging it's shoulders saying "F**k it"
Because the truth is staying positive right now is exhausting. I know it's the best choice to be that way but, what I really want to do is jump up and down screaming "This isn't fair!!" I know there's so much going on in the world that is actually worth getting really mad about and what I'm upset about is totally selfish in comparison. "Oh boo hoo I can't buy the house I want" makes me sound like a spoiled brat. But at the same token it's important to honor ones feelings. So I'm trying to do that now though I'm not doing it very well because it makes me feel terrible. Even though I know it's all relative or whatever.
But it all just makes me feel icky. Every part of it. The looking, the wanting, the not getting, the feeling upset. Every single part of it. Is it even worth it? I guess I am the only one who can answer that question though. For now I say the answer is Wine, and to do as Dory says, except switch swimming to renting. "Just keep renting, just keep renting...". And I'll keep looking too. Cause maybe we will get a lucky number 13?
Posted by Hannah at 6:56 PM